Over the years, one of the ongoing jokes with my best golf buddy is that I am one of the least competitive people she knows yet I am constantly being asked by other golfers to be their partner in golf tournaments. It’s true, I don’t feel I am a competitive person but I never really thought about why except that I didn’t like the stress I felt in competitive golf and since I play golf for enjoyment why put myself in stressful situations.

I have played competitive golf in the past. And for fun, at the end of this post is a recap of my competitive golf history/trophies. But for now it’s all about 2023. The driving force for wanting to get myself to like or enjoy competitive golf more was that I wanted to play courses I normally would not have the opportunity to play. What I learned this year is that I am slightly competitive (I care about playing well and where I placed in the flight) but not highly competitive (win at all costs). I realized there are internal and external factors impacting my enjoyment of competitive golf.

Internal Factor

One of the reasons that I shied away from competitive golf is that I have always had an issue with not feeling I was good enough (not wanting to feel embarrassed) or I was worried I didn’t know the rules well enough to play competitive golf.

This year I did realize I do have confidence in my game and my knowledge of the rules so that was a big step in relaxing during a competition. I was able to tell myself to “just have fun” and I was also able to play poorly and know that it’s was just not my day and that’s golf.

The only time I felt really horrible internal stress (pressure to not let my partner down) was in a 4-ball tournament. I wasn’t playing well on the front nine and I felt really bad about not pulling my weight. I played much better on the back nine and contributed. And it’s interesting that I don’t feel stress when there is a four player team where two scores count. And, I love a good scramble!

External Factor

I also realized that what really drives my dislike for competition is what I view an an external factor – who is in your group? Will they be fun or “challenging” during the round? Specifically what I call “challenging” are golfers with aggressive personality traits including: being a “Rules Nazi,” displaying accusatory behavior when questioning another golfer about a score on a hole, or just plain having a bad attitude (e.g., the angry golfer, the golfer who complains the whole round about everything, the extremely slow player).

It’s fine and necessary to care about the rules and be mindful that you need to protect the field (by confirming a score on a hole or addressing a rule issue) but you can do it in a respectful way.

For example, I believe you should help someone if they don’t know a rule. I do not understand someone that will see a person about to break a rule and not stop them. Instead, they let the player do the wrong thing and then say “You broke a rule that’s a general penalty, 2 strokes.” Really? That is how you want to win? Not me. I have stopped plenty of women from breaking a rule and they appreciated my sportsmanship.

And if necessary, I have no problem with anyone telling someone else if they incurred a penalty but deliver the information with respect. A “Rules Nazi” is the worst because they are usually nasty in their delivery with a condescending tone in their voice. And beware the “Rules Nazi” because I have seen times when they actually are not correct about a rule, yet because they are so aggressive in their delivery other golfers assume the person knows the rule. I always tell someone don’t argue about a rule, if you aren’t sure, just tell the other golfer you are going to play two balls and let the Pro running the event decide the ruling when you get into the club house.

Challenging scores is a very interesting aspect of competitive golf. Most of the time it’s not an issue but every now and then it can be intense. I had a situation where someone challenged my par score on a hole and she wouldn’t let it go even after I walked her through the shots. I was lucky to have another woman in our foursome (she was keeping my scorecard) defend my score (she went over my score shot by shot) and refused to change my score. Honestly, the woman was so aggressive that I would have probably changed my score just to end the confrontation. In hindsight it did rattle me. I didn’t play the next two holes well. My cart partner noticed and said “I know it’s bothering you and I would worry about your character if it didn’t but she is just upset because she forgot she was in the woods and had to punch out while you were down by the green. She’s being a jerk so let it go.” Now, that’s a nice cart partner/competitor giving me a pep talk in a competition.

In another competition, there was a player in our group that had her score questioned on a few holes by another player; and in that instance, it was done with respect each time but it was still uncomfortable because you could tell she really felt she was keeping her score correctly but the other women walked her though all her shots and there was no dispute. It highlights the other issue that some golfers just aren’t good at keeping their own score. The golfer either accepts the correction or gets very defensive but in either situation it’s always a bit awkward for everyone.

My Competitive Golf Season

So of the 12 events I played in this year, I only had two events with a player in my group that was “challenging.” Not bad, I guess. But before each tournament it’s on my mind and I do have anxiety over whether I will have a nice foursome. So as much as I feel I have managed the internal stress, I still find the external stress of others behavior a deterrent to competitive golf.

I guess facing challenging golfers is another mental skill I need to develop. I actually have been working on my mental game and find I can deal with slow play now (which use to send me over the edge) but still need better skills with “challenging” players.

I can’t write about playing competitive golf without sharing results (chart below). I played in six individual stroke play events and was in the money four times (1st low gross at two events, 2nd low gross at one event, and 1st low net at one event). I was 2nd to last in my flight in an event in August – the heat got to me. I will never play in 100 degrees in South Carolina in August again. For my final event, the weather was perfect but I tied in last place in my flight of 12. I was disappointed because I had won 1st place (low gross) in my flight at the same course earlier in the season; but I was not surprised by my results because I was dealing with a sore wrist.

I played in six team events of which 3 were scrambles. As we all know scrambles are fun and less stressful so I have always loved scrambles. In the three events, my scramble teams came in 1st, 2nd, and 4th. So in the money two out of three times. Now the other team events consisted of (1) a four-ball competition, (2) a 2-Best Ball competition (four player team and the two best scores on each hole are used for the team score), and (3) a “1,2,3 Best Ball” which was a very odd format, where it is a four player team and you take only one best score on a par 5, two best scores on par 4, and three best scores on par 3 holes. For that event we had a DNF (did not finish) because our team made an error in golf genius. I think just one player score was entered for a Par 3, when we were supposed to enter three player scores for a total. But again, lesson learned, the team needs to double-check the golf genius before the final posting. In the four-ball we did not place in the money and in the 2-best ball we were in the money with a 3rd place finish. Note: In my stats, I did not include charity events I played because in those events teams purchased mulligans, etc.

Looking back I am very happy that I challenged myself to play competitive golf this year. I think feeling good about my game overall and taking time to review basic rules at the beginning of the year helped me feel prepared and diminished my internal stressors. I do think my attitude of just have fun and do not focus on score (and don’t compare my score to the others in my foursome while playing) is the right mental strategy for me. I still need to learn to not get flustered when challenged but hopefully being challenged will be the exception when playing in future competitions.

Final Thoughts About Competitive Golf

Do I now love competitive golf? No but I do enjoy it more now. And I found that my stress level reduced dramatically over the course of the season. I will say if I have a nice group I really do have a good time; and I am finding that more often than not, the ladies I get paired with are great. And I have made a few new golf friends through competitive golf this year!

BONUS CONTENT

Past Golf Competitions

I have played competitive golf in the past. Now my first trophy ever for golf was playing a company golf outing and I won “Most Improved Player” and since I was still at that stage in my golf journey where I was extremely hard on myself, I was thrilled (and surprised with the recognition) even if it was just a fun award.

I played golf off and on but it wasn’t until my move to New Jersey to work for the USGA that I really became a “golfer.” I played in the “Moggy Brook Golf Championship” which was the USGA staff championship and I won the Moggy Brook Ladies trophy twice in 2015 and 2016 (but given my handicap was high and it was a net competition, I think I actually had an advantage over all the scratch golfers) but a win is a win and I got to have a cool trophy on my desk for two years. I also played in the USGA staff match play and go to the semi-final round. I felt compelled to participate in company events because that’s what you do in your corporate life but try to imagine playing against a golfer that hits a drive 230 yards when you were lucky if your drive went 150 yards; my saving grace was a great short game.

I joined the LPGA Amateur (formally EWGA) golf association, Central New Jersey Chapter and really only signed up for the chapter championship to support my chapter and to my surprise I qualified to go to the LPGA Amateur Regional. So back in the day, you need to win at the chapter level and then at the regional level to go to Nationals. I played really well at the regional competition (again surprising myself) but missed going to Nationals by one stroke. A few friends were upset because the golfer that beat me was apparently known to be a “sandbagger” (she was from a New York state chapter) but that’s not something you can control. However, I must admit I was disappointed and it made me wonder why anyone would want to win by keeping their handicap inflated? Do they really feel self-satisfaction winning that way? Do they really think other golfers don’t know that they are a sandbagger?

Trophy Gallery – yes, I kept my trophies (or medals from the USGA). It maybe silly to keep them but I just can’t seem to get rid of them. They are in a shoe box in my closet. Maybe when I’m old and can’t play anymore, I’ll look at them and remember my golf journey.

CLICK ON ANY IMAGE TO OPEN THE GALLERY AND SEE LARGER PHOTOS.